A lot of things happen in our daily life especially in relationships. Part of those challenges that go along with a blossoming relationship is the issue of temptations. How do you handle them if they blow into the open?. Can we play to be holier than thou in our relationships?.
As the saying goes that there is nothing new under the sun, Let’s talk about it has come up with hints on how to handle a delicate relationship mishap. The topics discussed below will make interesting reading and will proffer some solutions to marital dilemmas and best ways to handle them.
Cheating hubbies and straying wives…Any difference?
Whao!Whao!Whao!We were currently touching on the issues of relationship problems when along the line some interesting topics came handy; How To Make Your Marriage Last Forever, How To Save Your Marriage After Your Husband’s Adulterous Affair And How To Recover from a Cheating Wife.
One out of the three topics has been getting lots of reactions and of course engendering more and more hot controversy.
Can you guess which topic?. Come along as your guess is as good as mine. Well, I do not think it would take you more than half a minute to choose. Responses actually came in varieties; from the most weird to the most interesting…
About the the cheating wife:
“… a cheating wife is an abomination! The act is a condemnable one internationally. No man will accommodate a cheating wife.”
“..and no child will be happy that his/her mother is caught red-handed in the act with another man especially when the woman is still legally married to his/her father.”
“Before we label the wives,do we look at the reasons that may lead to that from the way the husband behaves towards her? A typical example is the movie ‘Fire proof’ and ‘Marriage Counsellor‘”
“Don’t ever think it is a gender issue as both men and women have been guilty of cheating”.
“Abeg make dn let person hear word O, when husband cheat they will ask u to pray, but when is woman’s turn wa ni kan mori wa( to bring head) I don’t like telling any pastors about my problem o especially marital affair, let them feel it too that it pains!like wrestlers will say, Don’t try this @ home!”
“In as much as I know it will be difficult to manage this situation , I totally disagree with the stigma our lady folks put on men.
How many of this woman that now try to deny their African Origin will also accept a wife to their own Brothers after finding out indiscretion on the part of the woman. Forget about male ego , its a Man’s world hence , it might be easy for a woman to forgive but Men C’set nes pas easy for A Man oooooo!!!”
“do u agree dat theres is no difference and there should be no gender discrimination between a cheating wife or husband. ? unfortunately for women, especially african women, dats our cross to bear…! african men believe d blood dat flows in their women is blue in colour and not red.”
And found the following online
1-Someone said -“cheating is cheating I don’t care who done it. As far as I’m concerned cheaters are scum.
I’ve often made the same observation only more succinctly.
Wife cheats = the man’s fault.
Husband cheats = the man’s fault.
Everything is the man’s fault and men are the root of all evil. It’s a societal issue and the stereotype of men is propagated by radical feminism to further their agenda… an agenda that has firmly entrenched itself in our laws and legislation in an effort to further their misandric agenda. The media is no help.”
2-“When men stray it’s often for more sex. Women tend to see this as a pitiful, shallow excuse for cheating, whereas a woman’s need for emotional fulfilment is often seen as a necessity and a justifiable excuse. I dont agree, but I think that’s why there is a difference in attitude.”
3-“For women it is about emotion, attention, being confused, etc. For men, honestly, how many really get emotionally involved when they cheat. Men think very differently about sex than most women do. Men think another score, women think “someone does actually care”. It takes a lot for a woman to decide shes going to cheat. And I dont mean for that to sound sexest but theres a reason why there are more female prostitutes for men and more strip clubs for men and more porn for men than women.
because men seem to get it out any where and everywhere youve heard of the saying men think with their ***** with women we are fussy most women dont just sleep with anything like most men do, also when men go with loads of women thats okay but a woman is called a slut”
4-Finally,a woman said”You people dont get it. When a woman walk away or looks away from a relationship and ends up cheating its not for sex the mojority of times. She might have a wood next to her, a rock a cold man, insensitiv, selfish, workoholic etc…She meets someone who is attentiv and sees the qualities in her which her husband never dose. That is what she seeks not sex. Sex comes with it because she basicly cant have one without the other. Man on the other hand just want a more attractive, more sexy , better looking woman to f***. If the woman had all she needed at home and we are pacient, we wait and wait and wait. Im not saying is justified, but we are only human with needs that have to be fulfilled after all.”
And i ask is there any difference between a cheating wife and a cheating husband.If there is /are what are they?
Lets Talk About It…….
‘For those that were not born yesterday and can make the most of today’.
How To Recover from a Cheating Wife
Do you have a cheating wife? In society today, cheating has become so common among both genders, that its almost to be expected at some point in the marriage, well after the “newness” or newlywed phase has gone by.
You’ve just found out that your sexy lovely wife,best friend and lover has been cheating on you, she is someone you trusted in and thought that something like this could never happen in your christian marriage and yet it has happened and now you don’t know what to do about it, your mind is going through alot of different emotions right now, everything from feeling hurt and betrayed,anger,sadness maybe even feeling inadequate or even a strong desire for revenge,a need to get back at her for doing this to you.
Before you decide on how you want to handle this,put on the brakes, don’t do anything rash or foolish,illegal or violent, something you know that you will regret later.
Adultery is devastating to any relationship. If your wife cheats on you, you will certainly feel betrayed angry, frustrated and perhaps even surprised. However, an affair doesn’t mean the end of the marriage if both husband and wife and willing to work things out. As long as there is love in the marriage, there can be healing.
Here’s how to recover from a cheating wife.
? Admit there’s a problem. If you’ve been cheated on, the last thing you should do is to pretend that nothing happened. You cannot fix this problem simply by pretending that everything’s ok, when obviously, it’s not. You will need to deal with your own feelings on the matter but bringing the problem to the forefront will force both of you to address the underlying problems in the marriage.
? Get into counseling. You may not be able to handle the emotions and trauma of the affair. Left to your own devices, you may not be able to resolve the conflict without getting into full-blown arguments. If you have any violent tendencies, it’s important you keep away from your spouse to avoid making the problem worse. Talk to your pastor or seek a professional marriage counselor for some help. During counseling, you will be taught how to communicate properly and how to handle the situation so you can make it past this situation.
? Reestablish trust with your spouse. This will be very difficult to do, but to recover from your cheating spouse, you need to stop labeling your spouse and learn to trust again. Of course don’t do it blindly.
By William Gardner
Saving Your Marriage After Your Husband’s Adulterous Affair
A marriage suffering from an outside affair can cause intense misery, emotional and psychological pain on the relationship but more importantly to the suffering party. To protect and salvage your marriage from the possibility of divorce, there are some important things to keep in mind that may test your obligations, duties and responsibilities to your family and to your partner.
Are you willing to forgive your partner? Take some time to reflect on the commitments and vows you have made to known to each other. Even with the pain and hurt of an adulterous partner, it is important to look back at these promises to give you the strength to keep your marriage from crumbling. This may be one of the hardest decisions to come to terms with but you need to make it in order to move on.
To find peace of mind, you will need to actively communicate with your partner and tell him or her what has hurt you the most and why it has. Speak from within without going the distance to put guilt on your partner and punish him/her for his utter betrayal. The best time to approach your partner is when you are reasonably ready to talk. Do not rush this as a nasty confrontation does not help save a marriage but further degrades it.
Talk about your differences and find that common ground. This is another essential step in successfully communicating with your spouse. Remember to find compromises instead of submitting with hesitation. Take the necessary steps to fix your outlook, disposition and behavior towards one another by working together.
Make it very clear that divorce is not the only solution to your problems. Consider taking some time off work to do things you enjoy as a couple. As much as possible, stay away from group activities that could only separate you and your partner from connecting. You may also want to get professional advice and counsel from a panel of professionals. Marriage and spiritual counselors and psychologists are certain to provide you with the step you need to start your marriage over.
• Give your self-esteem a boost. Remember that despite your mistakes that have contributed to the deterrence in your marriage, you are not to be solely blamed for you partner’s infidelity. Get together with your friends and do something wholesome and geared to make you feel better. It’s also best to think positive and work towards achieving a better future for your marriage by enrolling yourself in some activities that stimulate inner peace and love like Yoga or Pilates. Remember to keep yourself busy during these trying times for idleness can lead to a very close-minded outlook.
• Have faith. You can find some strength by joining groups devoted to the same causes such as spiritual and marriage oriented discussion groups. Drawing support from people who can understand your situation can truly help you save your marriage from a downward spiral.
By Quentin Patterson