So I was doing what I normally do and making the rounds around the Internets looking at different posts when I came across one talking about a relationship “what not to do” for women.
The author talked about how in a traditional male-female relationship, men are the hunters and women are the rabbits they chase after.
While I understand what the writer was saying I think she went with an extreme.
Sure, women who fling themselves at men are just asking to be set up. She meets him the first night in the club and by the next morning he’s already got the panties.
Yeah, that’s a recipe for failure. But at the same time, I don’t think there is anything wrong with a woman approaching a man. Its 2010, society has evolved. While I still believe there are certain things men are suppose to do, when it comes to approaching someone you might be interested in, I don’t think that is gender specific. Why should it be? You have an interest, express it. That’s not desperate it’s natural.
Yet there are some women who believe this.
They believe men are supposed to “chase” after the women they want. I have to be honest, if you’re one of those women who believe that and you are finding it hard to meet a good man, this strategy could be the problem.
I think my biggest problem with this is that it’s so counter intuitive.
So you are interested in the guy but you can’t approach him first or call him first because then he’ll know you are interested in him? Wow…that makes no sense. You want a man but you’re going to sit back and hope one picks you out of the sea of choices men have. That’s just asking for problems.
Let me give some perspective from a male view point. There are three big problems with women taking this “He should chase” or “He should take the initiative” stance.
- Sometimes We Don’t Want to Chase – Some women are always talking about how men don’t get or understand them. Well I think these same women don’t understand men.
- In this case, it’s pretty simple: Chasing is a young man’s game. When we’re young, it’s cool and even fun to chase after girls. Hell, we start in Elementary school chasing after the girl in the pigtails. But as we get older the “thrill of the chase” goes away. The truth is, there are more women than men and so as a man sometimes we just don’t feel like chasing. Not saying we aren’t interested a particular woman; we just don’t feel like dealing with it. We go to chill at a bar and see a nice looking young woman and we are faced with a choice. We could go over and approach her but then we risk having to deal with an attitude for having the audacity to approach her. Not all women give attitude but by the time a guy is 26 he’s dealt with enough women giving him a side eye ,crucial enough to send Prince running, simply for saying “Hello” that it’s enough to give us pause. So we weigh the risk of an attitude or even rejection versus possibly getting the number. And truth is it usually comes down to what we’re looking for at that moment. If we just came to the bar to chill and drink we might not want to deal with anything else. “Hey I’m having a good time at the bar chilling, why ruin it with a rejection?” Now if that same woman was to come up to the bar to order herself a drink and while there make simple small talk (something as simple as a “Hello”) that could be enough of a sign for a guy to pursue it further. Sticking to the primitive hunter-prey theme, think of it like this: Every time a gazelle appears the lion doesn’t necessarily chase after it. Which leads me to…
- Most Hunters Hunt When They Need To For What They Need – This is rather simple. If you want to be “hunted”, please understand that predators in the wild hunt because they need to eat. And they do it when they want to. They don’t pick the time most convenient for the prey.
- Now if you’re waiting for a guy to “chase” you, you need to realize that the “need” he’s trying to fill in might not be a “Long time commitment need” but rather a more primitive, and less noble, “I’m just trying to smash” need in which case he’s going to say and do whatever he has to. If you want to play this “cat & mouse” game, then you’re also accepting the risk that sometimes the “cat” doesn’t hunt for nourishment but rather for entertainment. Also, if the prey leads a hunter on a long chase, guess what? The hunter goes looking for easier prey. That’s the nature of being the prey. Which leads me to the last point…
- Don’t be Mad When He Treats You Like Prey – I’ll put it simply: How are you going to beg to be chased and pursued like prey and then get mad when you end up with a predator? I’m dead serious here. Predators smell out weakness and strike when defenses are low. Ever find yourself dealing with a guy who you’re realizing took advantage of you when you were in a weakened emotional state? The same guy that oozes “swag”, approaches you and says all the right things is sometimes the same guy you find out has been playing you for a fool. I’m not saying this is all guys. I’m just saying that if you’re holding out to play the part of the rabbit, don’t be shocked when you get a dog.
The author of the post said that no hunter wants a rabbit that hops into the pot and says “cook me.” While that’s cute, do we really want to use that kind of logic with human relationships? Think about it.
What rabbit sits around saying “I wonder where all the good hungry lions are?” Yet that’s what some women do. They want to be chased like they are prey but then at the same time they are hunters themselves in wanting to find a mate.
I’d like to point out that with lions, it’s actually the females lions who do most of the hunting. Yeah see hunting isn’t a gender specific activity.
So how about this, how about we drop the bullshit analogies and “traditional thoughts” and just use common sense. If you’re interested in someone, show interest. Show interest, listen to what the other person is saying, look out for tell tale signs that its not worth going forward and then take things slowly to see where it leads.
Both women AND men should do this. Notice I’m not saying women need to go up to men they want, club them upside their head and drag them back to their bedrooms. No, not at all. THAT is desperation.
This isn’t rocket science we’re all just making it seem like it is. If you meet someone, hit it off and exchange numbers, ladies there’s no logical reason why you can’t call first.
That’s a bullshit game teenagers play but when you’re older, you should know better. A woman calling first doesn’t tell the guy “She’s desperate”, it just says “Oh, she is interested” and it actually leads to a smoother conversation.
Here’s the biggest thing for women AND men to realize. If you have a set box of rules you use to date someone and yet you keep seeming to strike out…maybe it’s time to change up tactics.
If the “sit back and wait for him to approach me” tactic hasn’t led to success in a while maybe it’s time to try something different.
The truth is continually doing something that hasn’t worked is actually what leads to desperation. You get so excited that you finally “got one” you ignore the signs of a “Super Predator” and next thing you know you’re stuck in a relationship purgatory nightmare. “Chasing” represents conflict and struggle to me and if that’s how you get into relationships, expect turmoil throughout.
I’m not relationship expert but it seems to me if we focus more on being human (i.e. talking with each other and expressing how we feel instead of hiding it) instead of treating each other as primitive animals (i.e. prey & predators), maybe our relationships would be better. But hey, what do I know…
Source: Kriss, The Insanity report.